How to Deal with Difficult Parents In-law
Dealing with parents in-law is the most critical problem of newly-married couples. The worst is some marriages were intentionally destroyed by the parents of either or both sides. This is maybe because some parents do not like their son in-law or daughter in-law from the very beginning. That is why it is very important to meet the parents first before marriage.
However, if it did not happen or your first meeting did not have a positive result, you will now have to face the circumstances. The suggestions below will somehow help.
Live separately
Actually, married couples should live by themselves even they have kind parents in-law. But In some countries like the Philippines, most couples live together with their parents in-law. This is because of the close family ties custom. However, this can be the start of family feud especially when the parent in-laws are difficult to deal with. I am a Filipino, but I decided that my family live separately and far away from our parents. I believe that it is better to be independent.
Be civil
There are times when your parents in-law will be getting into your nerves, but you should always maintain your composure. Although you might feel that you will fight every time you talk, control yourself. Fighting with them will definitely create trouble with your spouse. If worst comes to worst, never ask your spouse to choose between you and his parents. This is the worst question you could ask.
Get yourself busy
Most parents in-law get paranoid when they learn that their child is working hard while the spouse looks like doing nothing useful. That is why you should get yourself busy even if you do not have a job. Cultivate your hobby or make money at home. It can also divert your attention from the issue. Instead of wasting time thinking why your parent in-laws do not like you, discover the things that can make them like you.
Touch their soft spot
Every person has a weakness and if you learn them, it is easier to start a good communication. If your parents in-law will realize that you have something in common, there is a big possibility that the tension will be lesser. Most mother in-law love to cook while father in-law love to talk about the current issues and politics. Ask your spouse where to start and prepare for it. You will later realize that they are not really bad people.
Prove yourself
This does not mean you have to challenge them for a debate. You can prove to them though humble ways that their child did not make a mistake in marrying you . Being a good parent to your children and a good spouse are some of them. Share the best that you can give as the better half. If your parent in-laws will know about this, they will have no reason to be hard on you. They will admire you and even support you all the way.
Loving someone completely includes loving the ones who also love him.
If you need more specific solutions to your troubled marriage, you can visit SaveMyMarriageToday.com
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Hello Angel, I think I am a living example of how I won over my in-law’s approval (including my parent-in-law). By proving to them how I love their daughter.I work hard,really hard to give my family the best. I motivated myself and see their disapproval as a challenge.As the saying goes, and we live happily ever after.
i didn’t experience this kind of thing. i have a very good relationship with my in-laws. We live separately but is only a house apart.
On the other side of the fence, i think it’s the parents who think that it’s the daughter-in-law or the son-in-law that is difficult to deal with.
But in the end, the spouses’ responsibility is to each other. The parents or the in-laws comes next. Don’t live by just pleasing the in-laws.
Mon – I am so glad you have now no problems with your in-laws. It only proves that you are a good man. Congrats, partner!
Ceblogger – Very well said. Keeping a marriage should be for the couples only, not anyone else. It’s nice to hear from men who can get along with their in-laws. I salute you for that!
Fantastic blog here. I love this article
I have great in-laws. The best thing we ever did was move out of state the first year of our marriage. I’m talking, 2,000 miles across the country. It was hard, but the healthiest thing for both sides of our families.
Hi kuya! I subscribed na to your blog.
This is a great post that I agree to. It is a good thing that I never had to live with my in law’s house ever. It is why the Lord commanded “to cleave and leave” upon marriage. Life is complex as it is. Husband and wife have a lifetime to adjust to each other, adding into the equation the extended family will complicate life even more. It is so not healthy, I still have to see a family to claim otherwise.
Btw kuya, it should be parents-in-law. Sorry, I can be a grammarian sometimes. I don’t profess perfection. In fact, I appreciate corrections. It really is not easy not to have those extra eyes editing your blog. (the down side of web blogging) Unlike those writers from the mags and spreadsheets. It is one of those things that Butch Dalisay blogged about that I totally agree on.
should be “live in my in law’s house ever.” (tsk tsk this is why it pays to review a comment before submitting)
Hi, thanks for having this kind of blogs. You know I haven’t tried to stay with my in laws yet but we live with my sister in law (student) and brother in law for almost 5 years which make me tough sometimes and fed up in dealing with them wherein my brother in law has his own job and I want him to live by himself. Anyway, my parents in laws will come over to attend the graduation of my sister in laws. I don’t know what to do, what is the best way to do?
Hi Ella,
I am glad that you found my blog. Just like my tips above, I really suggest that you deal with them in the most civilized way. I know it’s better said than done, but it’s the best thing to do so far.
After all, I assume you had thought of this before you got married.
Regards.